Sometimes you can't move on.

But you can move forward, through, or out.

Ben and I take the kids to a local kids’ museum called Science Central on December 31st every year. At noon, they do a balloon drop instead of a midnight ball drop. December 2023

---

To listen to the audio version of this essay, please click here:

---

I don’t like starting over.

Let me scratch that: I don’t like endings. Not even 11:59 PM on December 31st every year.

When I see party hats and cardboard signs that read “Happy New Year” during my biweekly grocery shopping, my heart drops a little. What is “happy” when the world is in shreds from war and an uptick in homelessness and economic uncertainty? What is “new” when you’ve cycled through 365 (or, during leap years, 366) days that share the commonality of those last four digits, and you’ve built something from those days?

I want to be happy, or rather, I want to be content, which is saying something else entirely. Happiness = fleeting and transitory and fickle. Contentment = resting in this moment and feeling fulfilled at what is.

I want what’s new to feel fresh, rejuvenating, and exciting. Maybe it is, and I just forget this at the conclusion of every calendar year. Maybe the blank space is an invitation to create memories, expand ideas, and forge new bonds with old friends.

The thing is, I know most of us want to start anew, and we like the psychological concept of a new year as an opportunity for beginnings, for changing things. That’s why resolutions are so common, but I don’t observe them.

Last year I wrote about my belief that we can start over any time we wish—in September, at 3 PM, before going to bed, after an argument. We don’t need superficial goals of losing weight or whitening our teeth or nixing carbs to implement impactful alterations in our lives. In fact, I believe it’s the opposite: lasting change occurs when we stop forcing ourselves to conform to the standards of others, of society.

When I stopped focusing on losing weight and instead chose to create healthy habits that led to a different lifestyle, my perspective shifted. My goal was no longer fixated on metrics but instead on what my body needed at any given moment: a five-minute break, a moment of quiet, a walk in nature, a glass of water, a hug.

Instead of recommending that you radically alter your life this new year, I’d like to offer some insights I’ve learned these last forty years or so:

• True nourishment integrates all aspects of the mind, body, and soul.

• There is no rapid panacea for ailments and heartache.

• Life is about evolution: how we develop and what we learn.

• If you want to change your life, start small. Then give yourself time to adjust to your new habit. That means expect to fail, mess up, forget. When you do, be gentle on yourself and try again. If you quit smoking a thousand times, it doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’re human.

• Perseverance, persistence, and patience are the three golden keys for excellence.

• Aim to be kinder every day: to a stranger, to your partner, to your kids, to the annoying neighbor who never smiles or waves, to the crabby customer in the checkout lane at the store, to the irritated clerk or the irrational driver, to yourself.

• Kindness begins with a smile. Do it every day, even when you don’t feel like it.

• Hug people more often. If you don’t know them well, ask if they like to hug before you reach out. We are all starved for safe, appropriate human touch.

• A fifteen-minute walk in nature can cure many ills.

• When you’re tired, crabby, feeling a headache surface, or hungry, drink a glass of water. Likewise when you feel emotionally activated during times of conflict and tension. Even a sip of water gives you enough time to pause, think, and reconnect with yourself.

• Don’t react when you’re angry. Take a beat before you speak.

• When you yell or scream at another person, do two things: 1. Apologize only when you are sincerely sorry, and 2. Tell yourself that you messed up, yes, but ask what you can learn and do differently next time.

• Humility is an underrated virtue. It means neither over- nor underestimating yourself. Acknowledge and accept your gifts and talents, but also admit and amend your mistakes.

• Don’t run or hide from your suffering. Loss, along with love, is something we share with every person, and often the very aspects of yourself you attempt to conceal are the things others find brave and inspirational.

• Lean in to the hard conversations and feelings. Receive the pain of those who extend it as an offering of self to you, and hold it gently in the palm of your hand.

• A long nap can remedy a dark mood.

• Turn off your technology at least one hour before you plan to sleep.

• Stand outside and let the sun’s rays warm your face. Inhale the air, however crisp and arresting it may feel inside your lungs. Do this for five minutes, and you will feel refreshed.

• Notice little things around you: a rare sighting of a particular bird, the silence after a snowfall, laughter from a child, a phrase you overhear in the parking lot, a lyric from a song on your playlist, the aroma of spices and herbs.

• When you feel discouraged because of the dearth of color and beauty in the world, decide how you can create more color and beauty in the world.

• Gratitude is one antidote for loneliness.

• You’re never too old or too young.

• Sometimes you rise, and sometimes you fall. Both are chances for growth and regrowth.

• It’s okay to let go of things, habits, and relationships that no longer serve you.

• Sometimes you can’t move on, but you can find a way forward, through, or out.

• Disconnect from the world from time to time, but never from yourself.

• Your presence is often the most powerful and greatest gift you can offer to another person.

---

I’m still looking to feature readers’ stories of resilience and regrowth as a monthly guest post. If you’re interested, please visit these guidelines, but don’t be intimidated by them. I am happy to work with you.

If you’d like to join this month’s book club, which will be held on Sunday, January 12th from 2 to 3:30 PM Eastern time, please email me, so I can send you the Zoom link. We will be discussing Rick Rubin’s book, The Creative Act.