Ekphrastic #6: Weathered

Annihilation feels brutal, but it's necessary for reassembling ourselves.

“Untitled” by Peter Vanderlaan—laser-cut glass, 1988; Fort Wayne Museum of Art

At first glance of this art piece, I felt what I saw: jagged edges that pricked my skin, penetrating flesh and drawing blood. I felt the physical pain from mere observation of the exposed sharp segments.

As a child, I often stepped on broken glass or pieces of wood. It’s because I lived barefoot and hardly wore socks and shoes (unless it was winter and I had to). I know what it feels like to have someone pull shards of glass from the arch of your foot, the sensation of splintered wood embedded under flesh.

I suppose that’s what, in part, inspired me to write this Ekphrastic about this glass piece by Peter Vanderlaan. I wanted to explore how that physical sensation might translate into an existential pain—of loss, of feeling incomplete, of missing a fragment of yourself, of loneliness.

This piece fits with my theme for April of belonging and inclusion, because it is really an emotional plea, a longing to be loved and seen for who we are.

Here is what emerged from the depths:

You expected me to be
Whole,
But I am
Weathered.

I have been chastened by my
Losses.
And with every
Death
Some part of me is
Shattered.

I am annihilated—

Over time and season, through
Love,
Gain,
And what can never be
Reclaimed.

I do not attempt to become what I
Once was.
Will you love my
Holes and fractures?

Can you come nearer?
There are soft spaces, too.

Take all of me, or take
None.
I will never be anyone other than
Who I am.

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