How I Stopped Trying to Be “Supermom”
A guest post by occupational therapist and life coach Lara Schoenfeld
Hello, friends. I’m pleased to introduce you to Lara Schoenfeld, an occupational therapist, life coach, and self-described “mom guilt survivor.” She reached out to me after listening to the podcast interview I shared with my friend Sherry Taveras on The Hundred Acre Pen. (Click on the hyperlink to take a listen.) We corresponded and I invited her to share her story with all of you today.
This post is for moms, and what I especially appreciate is how Lara highlights the mental load as being a mother’s primary source of stress. I thought, Yes! It’s so validating to know that there are statistics out there to substantiate what we already know: that we carry so much invisible labor no one sees, understands, or notices. As always, please be courteous and generous with your comments and shares. Check out her work on her website, GreatMom.
“I realized I didn’t need to do more. I needed to feel enough.”
A few years ago, I was the mom who “looked like she had it all together.” I was juggling work deadlines, school pickups, grocery lists, and the quiet (but deafening) mental checklist that followed me everywhere.
From the outside, I was managing. But inside? I was drowning in guilt, exhaustion, and a whisper that wouldn’t go away: “You’re not doing enough.”
That whisper echoes in the hearts of countless women returning to work after having children. The Female Lead’s 2023 report, “From Labour Ward to Labour Force,” found that more than 60% of women feel they have to “prove themselves” again after becoming mothers, and 53% report increased anxiety.
The pressure is real—and it’s often invisible. For me, it all came to a head one night when I snapped at my toddler over something tiny. The look on his face broke me. I sat on the kitchen floor and cried, asking myself: How did I get here? That was my turning point.
I realized I didn’t need to do more. I needed to feel enough.
That moment began a quiet revolution in my motherhood: less striving, more being.
As an Occupational Therapist, life coach, and mom of three, I’ve since worked with many working mothers, and I’ve seen this same shift change lives.
Here are the three mindset shifts and habits that helped me (and many others) stop chasing the Supermom ideal and start feeling like great moms again:
1. Redefine what it means to be a great mom
Not what Pinterest or Instagram say. Not what your mother-in-law thinks. Not even what your high-achieving pre-mom self believed. Ask yourself: What do I truly value? A powerful exercise I use with my coaching clients is this: write a letter from your child on their wedding day. What would they say about how you made them feel growing up? They won’t say, “My mom had a spotless house” or “She never missed a work email.” They’ll say, “She made me feel safe. Loved. Important.” That’s your gold standard.
2. Simplify your systems
I used to believe being organized meant having a color-coded calendar and three backup meal plans. Now? It’s one protein per day. One batch cook that saves the week. One master shopping list on repeat.
The mental load—remembering everything for everyone—is one of the biggest stressors for mothers. We don’t need fancier systems. We need fewer moving parts. A rhythm that keeps us sane, not a spreadsheet that keeps us up at night.
3. Create 15 minutes of magic
When I come home from work, I put my phone down and get on the floor with my kids. No agenda. No performance. Just presence.
I call it F.I.N.D.S. time: Fun. Interest. No distractions. Delight. Serve & Return.
Fifteen minutes of true connection can reset an entire evening. It reminds me—and them—that I’m not just surviving motherhood. I’m enjoying it.
I’ve learned that balance isn’t about doing it all. It’s about knowing what truly matters—and letting the rest go. This shift doesn’t happen overnight. It takes support, self-reflection, and a willingness to rewrite the story we've been told about what a “successful” mother looks like. But I believe, deeply, that you can work, lead, and mother well—without sacrificing your well-being.
I believe you can learn how to move from overwhelm to calm, from guilt to confidence—without trying harder or doing more. Because you don’t need to be Supermom. You just need to feel like the great mom you already are.
I just recently got over the guilt trip my 43-year-old daughter kept throwing at me for not getting her dancing lessons in 3rd grade. I had to get through to myself that I did the best I could with the resources I had at the time.
This piece really captures something so many of us struggle to name. The invisible mental load, the constant internal measuring stick, the way guilt quietly creeps into everything. I love the reframe around presence over performance. Not doing more, but feeling enough. That feels like such a radical and necessary shift. The 15 minutes of true connection especially landed for me. Simple, human, and actually sustainable. Thank you for describing this so clearly and compassionately.