"I grow strong again is a radical stripping away, a re-wilding."

Guest author Jay shares their experience of resilience and what it means to them.

At the foot of Sigiriya, Sri Lanka — Jay is holding the lens and the moment. The quiet pool reflects both sky and self, while Lion’s Rock waits in the distance like a story ready to be told.

Hey, friends. I am honored to introduce you to one of the most authentic and emotionally transparent voices on Substack, Jay from Wild Lion*esses Pride from Jay (they/them). Jay and I have spoken via Zoom, and the conversation left me with more depth and tenderness than before. Substack, for me, has been a digital space where so many of us have come together to support and rally with each other through hardships, difficult conversations, divergent perspectives, and I am humbled at the way you all gather with love and kindness to affirm my guests in this space.

I want my slice of Substack to be a safe and welcoming place in the online world, and I am pleased to introduce you to Jay’s story about strength and resilience and what it means to them. Please be generous, as you always are, in the comments and follow/subscribe/share Jay’s story with those whom you believe would be touched by it.

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“I grow strong again is a radical stripping away, a re-wilding.”

My whole life was resilience.

I could share so many instances that I experience dizziness just from deciding on one: The car accident, and my growing up the instant I learned of my father's death? My experience of being beaten by my mother, without help from my father or my grandmother (her mother)? My ostracism in kindergarten at age three? Or perhaps the moment I sat in palliative care beside my dying mother, as she took her last breath? Or perhaps the moment the police entered our store, asking for me, and shared that my brother had a likely deadly car accident? Or any of the more everyday moments? The time I filed for bankruptcy for the company while on sick leave for my mental health, and faced blame for every single aspect of it from my former colleague?

“The wild, untamed strength of authenticity”

I grow strong again is not about evolving into something new. It is about a radical stripping away. It is a re-wilding that allows the essential, inherent life force to re-emerge. This is the dismantling of old structures of belief—those carefully constructed versions of me shaped by parents, by society, by the systems I inhabited. This strength exists in the courage to let go of all conditioning. I meticulously examine what truly serves my core and what no longer fits. This is an arduous, liberating process of standing raw and true, like an old stump that suddenly pushes forth new, vibrant branches.

This is the wild, untamed strength of authenticity.

Resilience Synonyms: The synonyms that describe this re-wilding are persistence and tenacity.

• Persistence: For decades, my persistence was a formidable force. Yet, it was often a persistence in enduring the non-fitting boxes, in upholding the conditioned self. It was the unwavering drive to "stay afloat" within a system that demanded endurance above all else, even when my true self yearned for release. This form of persistence held me in a survival mode. A belief drove this: I had to be tough to be worthy.

• Tenacity: This expresses the unyielding grip on my authentic core as I undertake this re-wilding. It is the tenacity to unlearn the idea that rest was weakness. I recognize that stopping was not failure. Choosing not to endure was not giving up. This tenacity challenges the shame-based thoughts and narratives that once defined my worth. I hold firm to the inner compass that points toward genuine self-acceptance and liberation from "perpetual proving."

The Canyon and the Old Stump with New Branches

This image is the heart of my experience. The canyon represents the complexity of my identity and the challenges intertwined with it. Within this landscape, the old stump, which looked dead for decades, symbolizes the essence of myself that was dormant, obscured by layers of conditioning and societal expectations. It signifies the period where outward resilience was a "force and a trap." It carried me through survival, yet held me inside a system that demanded endurance.

The sudden growth of new branches from this old stump signifies the re-wilding. This is not a new beginning separate from the past. It is the re-emergence of authentic life from the core that endured.

These new branches are free from the weight of performance and the need to conform. They symbolize the freedom I find in shaping my life not by what I could withstand, but by what I choose to build from my deepest truth. It is the conscious choice to let go of survival mode.

I embrace the wild, unknown space beyond it, where genuine healing begins.

There was a moment where the relentless 200% functioning, fueled by an unyielding drive to appear strong and capable, became unsustainable. I had a visceral realization: while resilience kept me alive, it could not give me the space to heal. This was a painful confrontation with the illusion of external success. It was empty. This stemmed from achievements driven by a need to prove worth rather than authentic desires. The shame of not being able to do it all and the terror of acknowledging my limits created a powerful sense of constriction within the canyon of my identity.

The pivot began with a terrifying, essential act of rebellion against the system that demanded endless endurance. I made the choice to stop functioning at 200%. This was not a failure to persist. This was a radical act of choosing to dismantle the ingrained belief that rest was weakness.

I consciously re-framed strength from persistence to the ability to choose—to choose myself, my healing, my re-wilding, over the demands of a conditioned existence. This shift involved confronting the internal battle of worthiness.

I recognized that acknowledging that others may have it worse does not invalidate my own experiences.

The ancient Bodhi tree at Gangaramaya Temple, Colombo — a living symbol of wisdom and reverence. Here, the sacred meets the everyday, where devotion weaves itself into the roots of tradition. This is Jay’s equivalent to the oak tree.

“Resilience is no longer a virtue or identity. It is a tool.”

I am now in a continuous process of re-wilding. Resilience is no longer a highest virtue or an identity. It is a tool. It is a conscious recognition of when it is needed and when something else takes its place. This space is one of chosen balance over burnout, intentionality over compulsion, and self-acceptance over perpetual proving.

The canyon, once a place of entrapment, is now a landscape of ongoing discovery. I continue to shed layers of conditioning and connect deeply with my authentic core. This is where healing required stepping beyond resilience. I embrace the freedom—the ability to shape my life not by what I could withstand, but by what I chose to build.

Before this shift, I envisioned a life of continuous outward achievement and mastery. I believed that relentless effort would ultimately lead to a sense of absolute security and worth. My path was predetermined by external metrics of success. There was little room for the wild, untamed aspects of my true self.

The deepest battles were existential: Who am I without the constant striving? What is my value if I am not performing or enduring? Emotional processing involved a confrontation with shame—the shame of perceived inadequacy if I stopped, the shame of not meeting an impossible ideal. It was an internal struggle to dismantle the beliefs that held it in place, particularly the shame-driven narratives that equated my worth with suffering.

This was not a reconstruction. This was a deconstruction and re-wilding. It was a shedding of the false self, layer by layer, to reveal the true core. Elements of my former life, like my capacity for deep thought and connection, remain. I integrate them with a dedication to authenticity and self-compassion. I realized that "starting over" was less about building a new structure. It was more about cultivating the wild, untamed garden of my inner landscape. This allows the new branches of my true self to sprout unencumbered from the old stump.

My worldview shifted from one rooted in a fixed mindset of proving and enduring. It moved to one of fluidity, acceptance, and an embrace of the unknown. I no longer see strength as the capacity to push through any obstacle. It is the wisdom to discern when to stop and when to choose a path of re-wilding. My perspective is now guided by an appreciation for the cycles of shedding and renewal. I recognize that vulnerability and self-compassion are not weaknesses, but essential pathways to genuine connection and inner freedom.

On strength, the journey to thriving, and healing:

1. Strength is in shedding the conditioned self and re-wilding our innate truth. New life emerges from what was once perceived as stagnant or dead. This involves dismantling belief systems that equate worth with constant endurance and external validation. It creates space for authentic self-expression.

2. The journey from survival to thriving is often a radical act of stopping and choosing. It is not merely an evolution. It is a terrifying, liberating decision to step out of systems that demand endless performance. I embrace the unknown territory where healing and self-acceptance reside.

3. Healing is a process of returning to my core, unburdened by shame and external expectations. It requires cultivating self-compassion and a tenacity to honor my boundaries. This allows the wild, authentic self, like new branches from an old stump, to emerge and shape a life built on choice rather than compulsion.