Such a delightful article. I really loved reading this! The body speaks in its own language. And gosh, that language can be difficult to decipher. Sometimes we need another person to help translate what our bodies are trying to say. That physical touch, that safe space, allows for a deeper kind of listening and healing. Such a delight 🩵
Thanks, Alex! And to learn about the different types of hugs really capped that experience for me. Megan is such a fun person but also quite thoughtful, so she's a gifted touch-healer.
Oh, I just love that. "Different types of hugs." Why were we ever so silly as to think there was just one way to hug? The owner of our yoga studio in Tennessee used to hug cheek to cheek and heart to heart. I bonked her in the nose several times trying to rush the hug in the wrong way as I came flying in from the parking lot almost late to class. She would calmly put her hands on my arms and back me up to try again, whispering in my ear as she did so "Cheek to cheek and heart to heart." It almost brought tears to my eyes every single time. Positive touch. So meaningful.
Jess, that story is so cute! I know what you mean. I didn’t know there were different types of hugs, either, until Megan told me. Just as you wrote here, she said that when we put one hand around the other person’s neck and the other hand around their waist, and then the other person does the same (but opposite, so it’s like a pretzel) to us, that is the way our hearts touch, chest to chest, and it is the most regulating and intimate type of embrace. Now I try to do that all the time when someone asks me for a hug!
Have I told you about the day I hugged a sloth? Chest to chest to one of the slowest animals on the planet. Just beautiful. It changed me in a way I want to stay changed 💖
When I was growing up I found it touching, hugging, so distasteful. Even when someone stepped closer than 18 inches away from me, I would tense up.
Trauma can do that to you.
But I've been as a nurse I reach out and touch the shoulder or arm of someone in pain. I carried my tiny babies in front carriers and back carriers as they got bigger. I cuddled and hugged my girls as they got older, and never grant my personal safety bubble a thought.
Nancy, you hit the target when you wrote “Trauma can do that to you.” I totally agree. Wholeheartedly. I say that, because I never ever liked to be touched when I was little all the way through my thirties, but the more I work on my personal trauma recovery, the more I feel safe with certain types of touches and certain people.
And I always ask people if it’s okay to hug them rather than assuming, because I know what it’s like to be forced into an embrace that makes you feel unsafe or uncomfortable.
Thank you for your heartfelt essay, How Positive Touch Heals Me. Your honest reflection on the healing power of positive touch, particularly in the context of trauma recovery, is both moving and enlightening. By sharing your personal journey and the significance of therapeutic touch, you shed light on an often-overlooked aspect of healing. Your words offer comfort and understanding to those navigating similar paths, emphasizing the profound connection between physical touch and emotional well-being.
I love how you show the funny things we think and never say...like how you think maybe you are saying a word wrong because she pronounced it differently than you would.
As for why all the issues are on one side of the body...I'm sure you have heard this...the right side of the body is the masculine side, controlled by the more logical and practical left brain. The left side is the feminine side, controlled by the more creative right brain. If you have all your tightness injuries and issues on your left side, it could indicate that your left side, the mothering and feminine side is tired of doing all the work OR that the left side - the creative side - is craving more attention and wants to have the creativity shine more. It could be compensatory pain, from being right handed and over building the right side of the body by using it more and the left side then feels weak and gets injured more because it isn't as strong. Or vice versa.
I could go on...but you get the idea. Many of my clients who come to me always list a litany of injuries and illnesses on one side of the body, and with some probing we can figure out the energetics of why.
Oh, yes, Teri Leigh! Amy wrote a comment almost verbatim what you said here about the right/left side and the masculine/feminine aspects. She interpreted my essay almost exactly as you did, so now I believe I have a lot to consider on a deeper level. And here I thought I was publishing something entertaining, when it turns out there’s still some unraveling to do. Always. I appreciate you.
Interesting, Teri Leigh. I wonder if that means there is some sort of block or constriction in my voice/communication and about how I feel “stuck” right now in my life in so many ways.
Tina, the pronunciation was tough for me to articulate without reciting it using sound. I wrote the story as it unfolded—exactly as I remembered it—because Megan and I often have these quirky conversations during my massage sessions. They go in all sorts of directions, and I thought that by inserting some of my internal thoughts, it would add a bit of levity to the “feel” of the essay. I included the pronunciations as a way to demonstrate that I thought Megan’s different way of saying words I had always heard pronounced differently was cute and fun, like she is.
My daughter is neurodivergent, and I wonder if that's why she is not a "hugger." She is sweet, but she only hugs me the few times I say, "Gimme a hug," and I wonder if she really dislikes it.
I had never before heard of that type of hugging, but it sounds fabulous. Regular massage does wonders for the body, mind, and spirit. I can attest to the wonders of a great massage, as well.
Thanks, Beth. It’s weird, because Megan and I have these kinds of conversations frequently, but for some reason, this particular one stuck with me. It just felt so entertaining and cute and adorable, and I wanted to share it with you all.
I think you’re right about ND kids who shy away from touch. Felicity is my kiddo who has never liked touch and usually pulls away—even when she was very little, she didn’t like to be held very long, didn’t prefer cuddling, always wanted to wiggle free.
Aww, Jeannie, your massage therapist was so lovely and I enjoyed you sharing this with us and the extraordinary hug she showed you. As for one side of your body hurting more, my myofascial release and yoga therapist Michelle Andrie, author of Heal. thy. low. Back teaches that our right side is outer world, masculine, and right side is feminine, inner world. When we are too much in the doing, controlling, fixing outer world, we can have pain and injury on our right side, and if we’re neglecting our feminine feeling inner self, (the caregiver who doesn’t care for herself) we can feel the pain more on our left side. I’m curious if that resonates at all for you. She also talks of carrying our maternal and paternal lineage in our bodies, (maternal left, father right side) as another clue. It’s fascinating and has often illuminated for me what’s really happening in my body.
That is so fascinating, Amy! I did not know that, but it makes a lot of sense. I also get MFR from my massage therapist, and there was once a very powerful session where something released in me that brought on unbidden tears and a sort of vision I still haven’t really been able to articulate. Thank you so much for sharing this wealth of wisdom about the maternal/paternal parts that are stored in the left/right side of our bodies.
Yes! JoAnn, my massage therapist said that there’s a certain type of hug where our hearts touch, chest to chest, and that is the most regulating and intimate type of embrace.
I think touch is based on personal preference, Michael. Often it can be influenced by someone’s trauma history or if they are neurodivergent. I never wanted to be touched much when I was young. Touch is not my default way of communicating even now. But if an impromptu sense or nudge happens between me and another person, I might ask them if I can give them a hug. So, no, it’s not a bad thing, just a personal preference. Like most things in life, touch is nuanced.
I hear you completely, Jeannie — and thank you for your perspective. Touch really is nuanced. It’s funny how what feels both natural and even essential in one family feels invasive in another. I was raised to believe a hand laid on the shoulder, or a sudden hug, is how you say “I see you” if you’re a human. With my wife, it’s more like: “Why are you assaulting me with your love?” 😅
(Though I’ve also, more slowly, learned that love languages aren’t universal — and that consent isn’t just for the big stuff.) Sometimes it is as easy as “May I take your hand?” or just waiting to see if someone leans in.”
Yet I’ll confess: Part of me enjoys thinking that I could be my daughter’s secret superpower by boosting her hair’s rise. Even if it doesn’t always go over well… 😄
Thanks for the thoughtful response — good to remember even wanting a hug should be in humility.
I admit I chuckled when I read what you wrote about your wife’s interpretation: “Why are you assaulting me with your love?” Exactly. For one, touch brings them closer. To another, it feels too invasive.
And I fully agree about love languages differing. Mine happen to be quality time and words of affirmation while Ben’s are—surprise!—touch and acts of service.
“I think she may have had some hard things happen in her past when she was little, but I don’t get to know anything. That part of her life is hers, and only she gets to decide to whom, when and how to tell her story.”
That’s wonderful that you give her that space, Michael, and allow her to own her story and share whatever she wants, in her time and in her way. That’s true love.
Such a delightful article. I really loved reading this! The body speaks in its own language. And gosh, that language can be difficult to decipher. Sometimes we need another person to help translate what our bodies are trying to say. That physical touch, that safe space, allows for a deeper kind of listening and healing. Such a delight 🩵
Thanks, Alex! And to learn about the different types of hugs really capped that experience for me. Megan is such a fun person but also quite thoughtful, so she's a gifted touch-healer.
Oh, I just love that. "Different types of hugs." Why were we ever so silly as to think there was just one way to hug? The owner of our yoga studio in Tennessee used to hug cheek to cheek and heart to heart. I bonked her in the nose several times trying to rush the hug in the wrong way as I came flying in from the parking lot almost late to class. She would calmly put her hands on my arms and back me up to try again, whispering in my ear as she did so "Cheek to cheek and heart to heart." It almost brought tears to my eyes every single time. Positive touch. So meaningful.
Jess, that story is so cute! I know what you mean. I didn’t know there were different types of hugs, either, until Megan told me. Just as you wrote here, she said that when we put one hand around the other person’s neck and the other hand around their waist, and then the other person does the same (but opposite, so it’s like a pretzel) to us, that is the way our hearts touch, chest to chest, and it is the most regulating and intimate type of embrace. Now I try to do that all the time when someone asks me for a hug!
Have I told you about the day I hugged a sloth? Chest to chest to one of the slowest animals on the planet. Just beautiful. It changed me in a way I want to stay changed 💖
I want to hear that story, Melanie. Have you written it? ♥️
When I was growing up I found it touching, hugging, so distasteful. Even when someone stepped closer than 18 inches away from me, I would tense up.
Trauma can do that to you.
But I've been as a nurse I reach out and touch the shoulder or arm of someone in pain. I carried my tiny babies in front carriers and back carriers as they got bigger. I cuddled and hugged my girls as they got older, and never grant my personal safety bubble a thought.
Nancy, you hit the target when you wrote “Trauma can do that to you.” I totally agree. Wholeheartedly. I say that, because I never ever liked to be touched when I was little all the way through my thirties, but the more I work on my personal trauma recovery, the more I feel safe with certain types of touches and certain people.
And I always ask people if it’s okay to hug them rather than assuming, because I know what it’s like to be forced into an embrace that makes you feel unsafe or uncomfortable.
Thank you for your heartfelt essay, How Positive Touch Heals Me. Your honest reflection on the healing power of positive touch, particularly in the context of trauma recovery, is both moving and enlightening. By sharing your personal journey and the significance of therapeutic touch, you shed light on an often-overlooked aspect of healing. Your words offer comfort and understanding to those navigating similar paths, emphasizing the profound connection between physical touch and emotional well-being.
Thank you so much for stopping by to share this, Anton!
I love how you show the funny things we think and never say...like how you think maybe you are saying a word wrong because she pronounced it differently than you would.
As for why all the issues are on one side of the body...I'm sure you have heard this...the right side of the body is the masculine side, controlled by the more logical and practical left brain. The left side is the feminine side, controlled by the more creative right brain. If you have all your tightness injuries and issues on your left side, it could indicate that your left side, the mothering and feminine side is tired of doing all the work OR that the left side - the creative side - is craving more attention and wants to have the creativity shine more. It could be compensatory pain, from being right handed and over building the right side of the body by using it more and the left side then feels weak and gets injured more because it isn't as strong. Or vice versa.
I could go on...but you get the idea. Many of my clients who come to me always list a litany of injuries and illnesses on one side of the body, and with some probing we can figure out the energetics of why.
Oh, yes, Teri Leigh! Amy wrote a comment almost verbatim what you said here about the right/left side and the masculine/feminine aspects. She interpreted my essay almost exactly as you did, so now I believe I have a lot to consider on a deeper level. And here I thought I was publishing something entertaining, when it turns out there’s still some unraveling to do. Always. I appreciate you.
the right side masculine and left side feminine concept is pretty well known in yoga, reiki, energy healing circles.
Interesting, Teri Leigh, because my left side is STILL bothering me - more recently, my jaw and ear. Also my hip.
jaw and ear is about throat chakra - voice, communication, expression.
hip is about moving forward in life.
Interesting, Teri Leigh. I wonder if that means there is some sort of block or constriction in my voice/communication and about how I feel “stuck” right now in my life in so many ways.
I am interested in the concept of safe touch and loved the idea of synchronisation of heartbeats. But I don't get why the pronunciation was mentioned?
Tina, the pronunciation was tough for me to articulate without reciting it using sound. I wrote the story as it unfolded—exactly as I remembered it—because Megan and I often have these quirky conversations during my massage sessions. They go in all sorts of directions, and I thought that by inserting some of my internal thoughts, it would add a bit of levity to the “feel” of the essay. I included the pronunciations as a way to demonstrate that I thought Megan’s different way of saying words I had always heard pronounced differently was cute and fun, like she is.
Your masseuse keeps putting the em-PHA-sis on the wrong sy-LAB-ble. But it sounds like she gives a great rubdown, so it’s all good.
Isn’t that hilarious, Rafael? She also pronounces eviscerate as “evi-sker-ate.” It’s quite cute. I love her. She’s a very gifted massage therapist.
Lovely post! Love the alternate pronunciations also😊
Wasn't that hilarious, Annie? Megan also pronounces eviscerated as “evis-ker-ated.”
Oh Jeannie that just cracks me up!!!!
I’m so glad you were entertained, Annie! Something a bit different from my usual reflective pieces.
Hi Jeannie,
My daughter is neurodivergent, and I wonder if that's why she is not a "hugger." She is sweet, but she only hugs me the few times I say, "Gimme a hug," and I wonder if she really dislikes it.
I had never before heard of that type of hugging, but it sounds fabulous. Regular massage does wonders for the body, mind, and spirit. I can attest to the wonders of a great massage, as well.
Love your wonderful dialogue skills!
Thanks, Beth. It’s weird, because Megan and I have these kinds of conversations frequently, but for some reason, this particular one stuck with me. It just felt so entertaining and cute and adorable, and I wanted to share it with you all.
I think you’re right about ND kids who shy away from touch. Felicity is my kiddo who has never liked touch and usually pulls away—even when she was very little, she didn’t like to be held very long, didn’t prefer cuddling, always wanted to wiggle free.
Aww, Jeannie, your massage therapist was so lovely and I enjoyed you sharing this with us and the extraordinary hug she showed you. As for one side of your body hurting more, my myofascial release and yoga therapist Michelle Andrie, author of Heal. thy. low. Back teaches that our right side is outer world, masculine, and right side is feminine, inner world. When we are too much in the doing, controlling, fixing outer world, we can have pain and injury on our right side, and if we’re neglecting our feminine feeling inner self, (the caregiver who doesn’t care for herself) we can feel the pain more on our left side. I’m curious if that resonates at all for you. She also talks of carrying our maternal and paternal lineage in our bodies, (maternal left, father right side) as another clue. It’s fascinating and has often illuminated for me what’s really happening in my body.
That is so fascinating, Amy! I did not know that, but it makes a lot of sense. I also get MFR from my massage therapist, and there was once a very powerful session where something released in me that brought on unbidden tears and a sort of vision I still haven’t really been able to articulate. Thank you so much for sharing this wealth of wisdom about the maternal/paternal parts that are stored in the left/right side of our bodies.
Sometimes after a good hug I find myself feeling so good that I think, why don't I do this more? I forget the power of a good hug.
Yes! JoAnn, my massage therapist said that there’s a certain type of hug where our hearts touch, chest to chest, and that is the most regulating and intimate type of embrace.
My entire family are touchers. So am I. But it irritates my wife. She says it gives her hair a rise. Maybe that is not a bad thing.
I think touch is based on personal preference, Michael. Often it can be influenced by someone’s trauma history or if they are neurodivergent. I never wanted to be touched much when I was young. Touch is not my default way of communicating even now. But if an impromptu sense or nudge happens between me and another person, I might ask them if I can give them a hug. So, no, it’s not a bad thing, just a personal preference. Like most things in life, touch is nuanced.
I hear you completely, Jeannie — and thank you for your perspective. Touch really is nuanced. It’s funny how what feels both natural and even essential in one family feels invasive in another. I was raised to believe a hand laid on the shoulder, or a sudden hug, is how you say “I see you” if you’re a human. With my wife, it’s more like: “Why are you assaulting me with your love?” 😅
(Though I’ve also, more slowly, learned that love languages aren’t universal — and that consent isn’t just for the big stuff.) Sometimes it is as easy as “May I take your hand?” or just waiting to see if someone leans in.”
Yet I’ll confess: Part of me enjoys thinking that I could be my daughter’s secret superpower by boosting her hair’s rise. Even if it doesn’t always go over well… 😄
Thanks for the thoughtful response — good to remember even wanting a hug should be in humility.
I admit I chuckled when I read what you wrote about your wife’s interpretation: “Why are you assaulting me with your love?” Exactly. For one, touch brings them closer. To another, it feels too invasive.
And I fully agree about love languages differing. Mine happen to be quality time and words of affirmation while Ben’s are—surprise!—touch and acts of service.
“I think she may have had some hard things happen in her past when she was little, but I don’t get to know anything. That part of her life is hers, and only she gets to decide to whom, when and how to tell her story.”
That’s wonderful that you give her that space, Michael, and allow her to own her story and share whatever she wants, in her time and in her way. That’s true love.