This was incredible helpful to read, Jeannie. I have just realized lately how disappointed I am that several of my closest friends never ask me about my work. I know there may be so many reasons for that having nothing to do with me, but given my work is my "life's work", it hurts that they don't ask. Thank you for letting me share in a safe space. I feel so understood when I am in your space.
I feel the same way in your space, Rachel. It is good that we can talk to each other about this, I believe. My closest friends and family do not ask me about my creative work, either. I often feel as if I have two lives, an alter ego: the Jeannie my friends and family have known for decades, and the writer Jeannie.
It is through my writing, however, that I am able to open the window to my deepest self: my questions, my thoughts, my feelings, my perceptions and attitudes and worldview.
I'm not exactly sure what happens when those closest to us don't seem to want to know how we're doing with our latest projects, but maybe it's because they've known us in a different context far longer. Either way, when you meet another writer who just gets what it's like to be in your head, to doubt, to go through bouts of loneliness, to be tempted to give up - I think it's vital.
Maybe in this way you and I can help each other continue being the light in the world that we see in each other. ❤️
Having expectations of others is so human, and it's so hard. Especially with family. I've struggled with this my whole life, and I bring myself so much peace when I'm able to just let those expectations go. Easier said than done, of course. I appreciate your vulnerability here. XO
Thanks Katrina. I'm learning that many of us who are creatives struggle with this. It's a process. Growth ebbs and flows, of course. Thanks for being here with me.
This was excellent, Jeannie. You brought up something I think many of us have experienced. I don’t think my siblings ever read my work. Or at least they seldom do. I actually like it this way. I write from my heart. I write because God has called me to write. Years ago I realized if I lived in synch with my older sister’s perception of me, I wouldn’t live out my calling or freely use my gifts. I don’t need her validation or even acceptance. I love her but she doesn’t know me well and her values are different. It’s okay. My brother is encouraging about my faith and creative pursuits but I doubt he has read much if any of my work. He’s a very busy dairy farmer. I think this article relates beautifully to my little collaborative summer project called Writing as Breathing: How Writing Changes Me. If you don’t mind I will restack it in one of the Threads for that. Feel free to join in the conversation. I loved your voiceover and writing style here. Thanks!!
Thank you for sharing that, Susan. You are far ahead of where I am! It's refreshing and also validating to learn that there are other creative people out there who are learning how to show up in an authentic way and continue to put their work out there, despite the lack of external affirmation. Thank you for being here!
Thanks, Jeannie. I guess I am older than you and just have had more years to recognize that my family, although I love them, are probably not my primary audience. I have a wonderful circle of friends who became family to me. Their love and support mean so much to me. I’m grateful for how God has set me free from the need for approval or validation from my sister. Faith is very central to who I am and I write and live for His honor and glory. There’s an equation I often show my clients, asking them if it seems true or false. “self worth 🟰 performance plus other’s opinions” and I find those conversations meaningful. Blessings to you.
Self-worth equals performance plus other people's opinions - that is a fascinating conversation starter! I love that. Thank you for sharing your wisdom here.
I was touched by your family sounding like mine. They love me, thank god, but the analogy I draw is that it’s like if Van Gogh had blind parents. I’m actually the parent here, coming up with intelligent ideas for what to do to turn this world around, and I even wrote them a heartfelt communication about how I’ve survived because a few outstanding people I’ve looked up to have treating me as an equal, so can’t they please read my Substack and engage with me. They didn’t get it. I just had to let it be. And let it keep teaching me as it teaches you.
Such wisdom here, Suzanne. I think for those of us who are highly sensitive (as I am), this is just an area that hurts deeply, because we have a longing to be seen and valued by the people who raised us, whom we tend to love and give loyalty to and support. When reciprocity doesn't happen, we have to step back and ask ourselves if we value the work we do, and if that's enough. So glad you're here!
I resonated with how family and friends may not be your audience and to be okay with that. I also loved your honesty about interactions with Ben and looking further inward at what needs aren’t being met. This was something I needed today so much. Thank you!
This was incredible helpful to read, Jeannie. I have just realized lately how disappointed I am that several of my closest friends never ask me about my work. I know there may be so many reasons for that having nothing to do with me, but given my work is my "life's work", it hurts that they don't ask. Thank you for letting me share in a safe space. I feel so understood when I am in your space.
I feel the same way in your space, Rachel. It is good that we can talk to each other about this, I believe. My closest friends and family do not ask me about my creative work, either. I often feel as if I have two lives, an alter ego: the Jeannie my friends and family have known for decades, and the writer Jeannie.
It is through my writing, however, that I am able to open the window to my deepest self: my questions, my thoughts, my feelings, my perceptions and attitudes and worldview.
I'm not exactly sure what happens when those closest to us don't seem to want to know how we're doing with our latest projects, but maybe it's because they've known us in a different context far longer. Either way, when you meet another writer who just gets what it's like to be in your head, to doubt, to go through bouts of loneliness, to be tempted to give up - I think it's vital.
Maybe in this way you and I can help each other continue being the light in the world that we see in each other. ❤️
Having expectations of others is so human, and it's so hard. Especially with family. I've struggled with this my whole life, and I bring myself so much peace when I'm able to just let those expectations go. Easier said than done, of course. I appreciate your vulnerability here. XO
Thanks Katrina. I'm learning that many of us who are creatives struggle with this. It's a process. Growth ebbs and flows, of course. Thanks for being here with me.
This was excellent, Jeannie. You brought up something I think many of us have experienced. I don’t think my siblings ever read my work. Or at least they seldom do. I actually like it this way. I write from my heart. I write because God has called me to write. Years ago I realized if I lived in synch with my older sister’s perception of me, I wouldn’t live out my calling or freely use my gifts. I don’t need her validation or even acceptance. I love her but she doesn’t know me well and her values are different. It’s okay. My brother is encouraging about my faith and creative pursuits but I doubt he has read much if any of my work. He’s a very busy dairy farmer. I think this article relates beautifully to my little collaborative summer project called Writing as Breathing: How Writing Changes Me. If you don’t mind I will restack it in one of the Threads for that. Feel free to join in the conversation. I loved your voiceover and writing style here. Thanks!!
Thank you for sharing that, Susan. You are far ahead of where I am! It's refreshing and also validating to learn that there are other creative people out there who are learning how to show up in an authentic way and continue to put their work out there, despite the lack of external affirmation. Thank you for being here!
Thanks, Jeannie. I guess I am older than you and just have had more years to recognize that my family, although I love them, are probably not my primary audience. I have a wonderful circle of friends who became family to me. Their love and support mean so much to me. I’m grateful for how God has set me free from the need for approval or validation from my sister. Faith is very central to who I am and I write and live for His honor and glory. There’s an equation I often show my clients, asking them if it seems true or false. “self worth 🟰 performance plus other’s opinions” and I find those conversations meaningful. Blessings to you.
Self-worth equals performance plus other people's opinions - that is a fascinating conversation starter! I love that. Thank you for sharing your wisdom here.
I was touched by your family sounding like mine. They love me, thank god, but the analogy I draw is that it’s like if Van Gogh had blind parents. I’m actually the parent here, coming up with intelligent ideas for what to do to turn this world around, and I even wrote them a heartfelt communication about how I’ve survived because a few outstanding people I’ve looked up to have treating me as an equal, so can’t they please read my Substack and engage with me. They didn’t get it. I just had to let it be. And let it keep teaching me as it teaches you.
Such wisdom here, Suzanne. I think for those of us who are highly sensitive (as I am), this is just an area that hurts deeply, because we have a longing to be seen and valued by the people who raised us, whom we tend to love and give loyalty to and support. When reciprocity doesn't happen, we have to step back and ask ourselves if we value the work we do, and if that's enough. So glad you're here!
I'd love it if you weren't like my kids and would appreciate what I put out. Have a look at my Substack.
I'll take a peek later this week, Suzanne. My kids are starting school this Wednesday and my next three days are packed.
I resonated with how family and friends may not be your audience and to be okay with that. I also loved your honesty about interactions with Ben and looking further inward at what needs aren’t being met. This was something I needed today so much. Thank you!
So glad to hear that, friend!
I needed this encouragement to reach out and be vulnerable with my friends, thank you.
So glad it was helpful for you, Faith!
Thank you for the your wisdom to recognize your weaknesses and talk about them. It’s very helpful.
I'm glad my emotional transparency is helpful to you, Joline. I appreciate your comment and you being here.