Sarah IS pretty. I loved hearing this story. Thank you. It's so hard when we live in a culture where people can be so insensitive. I remember in China, one of my students told me I wasn't pretty like the movie stars they'd seen, but I was "pretty of the heart."
I love this article. Thank you, and I pray God will continue to give Sarah and you a sense of being treasured and pretty. My cousin's daughter was born with fairly severe craniofacial issues...and she has gone through so many surgeries. She's now a young adult, living independently.
Wow, I really love how you framed the situation for your daughter. You narrated what was happening to help her understand, but also opened space for her to talk about it and process it. That little girl was so sweet, and I think YOU helped it have such a positive impact! Great job mama
I have only just happened across your writing but if I may say so you have no need to be hard on yourself for anything let alone being a parent. You so obviously love Sarah unconditionally and that is the best gift any parent can give a child. Life is hard enough as it is without you being hard on yourself as well!
Jeanine, thank you so much for writing this. I lost my sister to covid a few years back and she always had a difficult time with our peers because she was born with a genetic condition similar to downs but not quite as severe, but which made her features immediately noticeable to others, and it always broke my heart to see how cruel people could be to her. I got kicked off the bus a number of times for getting into fights while defending her after someone called her the R word or told her that she was ugly. She was beautiful on the inside as well. This really touched my heart. I think Sarah is beautiful too.❤️
Thank you for sharing your sister's memory with me here. I feel honored to hear about her. There's something about the courage of siblings who grow up with a brother or sister who has a disability - I am in awe of the ways my oldest daughter has learned not only to defend Sarah, like you did your sister, but how Felicity also defends anyone who is picked on at school. It really does bring an opportunity for greater compassion.
I actually don't know. My mother and my sister are both passed away and I'm estranged from my father, so I have no way to verify anything specific about it.
What a wonderful and heartwarming moment. I love seeing the confident photo at the end of Sarah with her bracelet, too! Such seemingly simple kindnesses and moments of connection (as the comment from the younger girl) shouldn’t be so rare from any of us.
I don’t think I can articulate all my thoughts well but wow Sarah is amazing. The way you describe her preparing herself for the stares, comments & questions is amazing. What a remarkable girl ❤️
The encounter is so beautiful & I really hope that understanding of what pretty is stays with that girl & doesn’t get sullied by what we’re told pretty is. We’d all be better off seeing the real beauty in people and things rather than the aesthetics.
I love how you used the word remarkable, Han. My hope is that Sarah can teach us that we are all remarkable and that our lives matter. Thank you for sharing.
I'm so glad this child gave a heartfelt compliment to your lovely daughter. I'm glad she internalized it and said she wanted a picture of herself because "I'm pretty!" that made me beam. She is pretty! It also made me remember being called names as a child because of my looks and feeling like I was ugly and feeling weird if I got a compliment. Even now I sometimes feel that way.
Yeah, I think it speaks to a broader sense of how we view ourselves as pretty/ugly. I continue too marvel at how much Sarah's life teaches me about my own.
I’m still new to the sub here and still trying to figure it out. Your beautiful story moved me to share a note with a photo of my “twin toes.” What a lucky little girl you have to have such a wise mama!
I once read an article about a woman who had become the butt of online jokes because some parents started using a picture of her to scare their children into obedience. When I first saw the picture, I had a momentary feeling of fear, myself, and did not like myself for that. I sat with the feeling, and gazed at the picture of the woman, and felt the fear dissappear as it was replaced with an empathetic awareness of her humanity, and sorrow for her that she was so dehumanized by those who would turn her into a cruel punchline. As I continued to gaze at her picture, I began to see beauty, and felt a surging sense of love for her and everyone else in the world (including myself) who has been demanded because of other people's unacknowledged felt reactions to seeing us. This, I think, is why that young girl was so easily able to see Sarah's beauty where most strangers don't. And this is what we, as a society, need to learn from these two beautiful children: whatever we feel when we see a person who doesn't meet our unconscious assumptions about what a person "should" look like, we need to acknowledge those feelings as our own instead of relying on them to decide the worthiness - indeed, even the dignity and humanity - of the person who defies our expectations. Your daughter is beautiful/pretty, full stop. I am so happy for her she is being raised by a mother who supports her in developing the skills and awareness she will need to thrive, in spite of the petty hostility directed at her so often.
LC, your comment touched my heart deeply. Sometimes I wonder, “How much of what I share about Sarah appears exploitative?” Meaning: Will this information get into the wrong hands? There is always that possibility, but I guess I am taking strides to share what I believe is positive, rather than shocking or sensational.
Your response to this photo online is rare, LC. And it heartens me to know there are people like you out there who are willing to sit with the discomfort of what is unfamiliar and unrecognizable for a moment. To really absorb it until you can internalize what it means to you, and how you can apply what you’re learning to your life.
Keep being you. I am grateful for your comment and that you shared this with me today.
I hope you keep sharing all you learn from being Sarah’s mother so that we, as readers, can hopefully also learn how to open our hearts wider and deepen our compassion for others.
Sarah is a kind of litmus test that reveals things about other people - unfortunately many will show their failings, but there are always those who pass with flying colors - focus on those who can see Sarah’s beauty and maybe, in the moments when your heart is big enough, feel compassion for those who fail and maybe wish that some day their hearts will become big enough that they too will be able to see Sarsa’s beauty… and save that photo!
Reading this made me tear up...You are such an amazing momma. 💛💛💛 Sarah exudes such bright, beautiful energy!! (and I want to squeeze that girl in Kohls, too!) 💕
Thanks Megan. I can't take all the credit for the great aspects of my kids' personality. Sarah has an incredible team of people who have worked with her since she was a baby, so she's always had exc support.
She’s lovely. I had a friend when I was a kid who had a skin disorder where she had blotches of dark skin all over her body. There was no treatment as it was too extensive. She was a great friend and we had fantastic times together but other kids teased and were often awful to her. I once actually hit a boy, I was a tomboy, who was rude to her and told him she was ten times better to look at than him, which was true. Sarah is pretty outside and in too, which, basically, when you grow up, is more important.
Jean Marie, I love how you stood up to that boy when you were younger. Sarah has a great friend, a true friend named Annie, who loves her for who she is. Annie just "gets" Sarah and has stood up for Sarah a few times when kids start picking on her. I always tell my kids, "All you need is one good friend." Sounds like you were a good friend to that boy.
You have an incredible daughter!! Much love to you all. Our son has down syndrome and I’m always reminding myself and others of belovedness of kids who may be “different.” Your daughter is beautiful!
Julie, it's so comforting to interact with another mom who knows what it's like - both ups and downs - of raising a child with a disability. So glad you're here!
Thank you for sharing this beautiful story, it touched my heart. What a profound gift this little girl gave to your daughter, a gift of empowerment, courage and love. I’m reminded of a spiritual verse, “Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.”
I was born with Crouzon's Syndrome in 1974. I hope you and your daughter have the support you need. If you'd like some wisdom from someone who has "been through it", my email is: maggieheistand@gmail.com. Take care. 🙏
Sarah IS pretty. I loved hearing this story. Thank you. It's so hard when we live in a culture where people can be so insensitive. I remember in China, one of my students told me I wasn't pretty like the movie stars they'd seen, but I was "pretty of the heart."
I love this article. Thank you, and I pray God will continue to give Sarah and you a sense of being treasured and pretty. My cousin's daughter was born with fairly severe craniofacial issues...and she has gone through so many surgeries. She's now a young adult, living independently.
Susan, "pretty of the heart!" That's perfect. Thank you for sharing that. I love it.
this is exactly how I would say it.
Thank you
Wow, I really love how you framed the situation for your daughter. You narrated what was happening to help her understand, but also opened space for her to talk about it and process it. That little girl was so sweet, and I think YOU helped it have such a positive impact! Great job mama
That's an encouragement to hear, that as a mom I helped my girl. Thanks for pointing that out, Lydia. I tend to be really hard on myself as a parent.
I have only just happened across your writing but if I may say so you have no need to be hard on yourself for anything let alone being a parent. You so obviously love Sarah unconditionally and that is the best gift any parent can give a child. Life is hard enough as it is without you being hard on yourself as well!
Thank you, Ann!
Jeanine, thank you so much for writing this. I lost my sister to covid a few years back and she always had a difficult time with our peers because she was born with a genetic condition similar to downs but not quite as severe, but which made her features immediately noticeable to others, and it always broke my heart to see how cruel people could be to her. I got kicked off the bus a number of times for getting into fights while defending her after someone called her the R word or told her that she was ugly. She was beautiful on the inside as well. This really touched my heart. I think Sarah is beautiful too.❤️
Thank you for sharing your sister's memory with me here. I feel honored to hear about her. There's something about the courage of siblings who grow up with a brother or sister who has a disability - I am in awe of the ways my oldest daughter has learned not only to defend Sarah, like you did your sister, but how Felicity also defends anyone who is picked on at school. It really does bring an opportunity for greater compassion.
I hope it's okay for me to ask, but was this genetic condition called Turner syndrome? (Asking as a girl who has Turner syndrome 🙂)
I actually don't know. My mother and my sister are both passed away and I'm estranged from my father, so I have no way to verify anything specific about it.
Understood! Thank you very much for sharing.
No problem Sarah! Have a wonderful rest of your evening!
What a wonderful and heartwarming moment. I love seeing the confident photo at the end of Sarah with her bracelet, too! Such seemingly simple kindnesses and moments of connection (as the comment from the younger girl) shouldn’t be so rare from any of us.
That's such a great point, Amy - all of us can be conduits of kindness everywhere we go. Thank you for that insight.
Fiesty is what I see..
You got it! Sassy and feisty.
I don’t think I can articulate all my thoughts well but wow Sarah is amazing. The way you describe her preparing herself for the stares, comments & questions is amazing. What a remarkable girl ❤️
The encounter is so beautiful & I really hope that understanding of what pretty is stays with that girl & doesn’t get sullied by what we’re told pretty is. We’d all be better off seeing the real beauty in people and things rather than the aesthetics.
I love how you used the word remarkable, Han. My hope is that Sarah can teach us that we are all remarkable and that our lives matter. Thank you for sharing.
She’s so remarkable 💚
I'm so glad this child gave a heartfelt compliment to your lovely daughter. I'm glad she internalized it and said she wanted a picture of herself because "I'm pretty!" that made me beam. She is pretty! It also made me remember being called names as a child because of my looks and feeling like I was ugly and feeling weird if I got a compliment. Even now I sometimes feel that way.
Yeah, I think it speaks to a broader sense of how we view ourselves as pretty/ugly. I continue too marvel at how much Sarah's life teaches me about my own.
May we all be more like these precious little girls learning to see beauty of spirit, lift each other with kindness, and let more of our love shine!
Hi, Amy, yes! I think that's what most people have been touched by - the lesson that we can all treat each other with more kindness and less vitriol.
I’m still new to the sub here and still trying to figure it out. Your beautiful story moved me to share a note with a photo of my “twin toes.” What a lucky little girl you have to have such a wise mama!
I once read an article about a woman who had become the butt of online jokes because some parents started using a picture of her to scare their children into obedience. When I first saw the picture, I had a momentary feeling of fear, myself, and did not like myself for that. I sat with the feeling, and gazed at the picture of the woman, and felt the fear dissappear as it was replaced with an empathetic awareness of her humanity, and sorrow for her that she was so dehumanized by those who would turn her into a cruel punchline. As I continued to gaze at her picture, I began to see beauty, and felt a surging sense of love for her and everyone else in the world (including myself) who has been demanded because of other people's unacknowledged felt reactions to seeing us. This, I think, is why that young girl was so easily able to see Sarah's beauty where most strangers don't. And this is what we, as a society, need to learn from these two beautiful children: whatever we feel when we see a person who doesn't meet our unconscious assumptions about what a person "should" look like, we need to acknowledge those feelings as our own instead of relying on them to decide the worthiness - indeed, even the dignity and humanity - of the person who defies our expectations. Your daughter is beautiful/pretty, full stop. I am so happy for her she is being raised by a mother who supports her in developing the skills and awareness she will need to thrive, in spite of the petty hostility directed at her so often.
LC, your comment touched my heart deeply. Sometimes I wonder, “How much of what I share about Sarah appears exploitative?” Meaning: Will this information get into the wrong hands? There is always that possibility, but I guess I am taking strides to share what I believe is positive, rather than shocking or sensational.
Your response to this photo online is rare, LC. And it heartens me to know there are people like you out there who are willing to sit with the discomfort of what is unfamiliar and unrecognizable for a moment. To really absorb it until you can internalize what it means to you, and how you can apply what you’re learning to your life.
Keep being you. I am grateful for your comment and that you shared this with me today.
I hope you keep sharing all you learn from being Sarah’s mother so that we, as readers, can hopefully also learn how to open our hearts wider and deepen our compassion for others.
Sarah is a kind of litmus test that reveals things about other people - unfortunately many will show their failings, but there are always those who pass with flying colors - focus on those who can see Sarah’s beauty and maybe, in the moments when your heart is big enough, feel compassion for those who fail and maybe wish that some day their hearts will become big enough that they too will be able to see Sarsa’s beauty… and save that photo!
Two mums doing an amazing job ♥️
I nearly cried in a cafe reading this!
Thank you, Susannah! Hopefully it was a good cry. :)
Yep, one of those rare, heartwarming ones <3
Reading this made me tear up...You are such an amazing momma. 💛💛💛 Sarah exudes such bright, beautiful energy!! (and I want to squeeze that girl in Kohls, too!) 💕
Thanks Megan. I can't take all the credit for the great aspects of my kids' personality. Sarah has an incredible team of people who have worked with her since she was a baby, so she's always had exc support.
She’s lovely. I had a friend when I was a kid who had a skin disorder where she had blotches of dark skin all over her body. There was no treatment as it was too extensive. She was a great friend and we had fantastic times together but other kids teased and were often awful to her. I once actually hit a boy, I was a tomboy, who was rude to her and told him she was ten times better to look at than him, which was true. Sarah is pretty outside and in too, which, basically, when you grow up, is more important.
Jean Marie, I love how you stood up to that boy when you were younger. Sarah has a great friend, a true friend named Annie, who loves her for who she is. Annie just "gets" Sarah and has stood up for Sarah a few times when kids start picking on her. I always tell my kids, "All you need is one good friend." Sounds like you were a good friend to that boy.
You have an incredible daughter!! Much love to you all. Our son has down syndrome and I’m always reminding myself and others of belovedness of kids who may be “different.” Your daughter is beautiful!
Julie, it's so comforting to interact with another mom who knows what it's like - both ups and downs - of raising a child with a disability. So glad you're here!
Thank you for sharing this beautiful story, it touched my heart. What a profound gift this little girl gave to your daughter, a gift of empowerment, courage and love. I’m reminded of a spiritual verse, “Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.”
So true, Sharon. I continue to be amazed at the lessons kids teach me!
Love Sarah's confidence in this pic. 🫶 Good job, mom! 👏
Thank you Maggie!
I was born with Crouzon's Syndrome in 1974. I hope you and your daughter have the support you need. If you'd like some wisdom from someone who has "been through it", my email is: maggieheistand@gmail.com. Take care. 🙏
Thank you, Maggie! We have met others with Crouzon at the Children's Craniofacial Association family retreats. Would love to connect with you.
🙏
Angela Lansbury comes to mind. And to me she was/is beautiful!!!
Love that, Jodean!