"I promise that if ever I witness your tears, I will cup my hands to catch them, to collect these sacred waters and preserve their legacy of what you’ve loved and what you’ve lost." Wow. Only a good human being could write something like this quote. Your essay is beautifully written and achingly poignant. Your fear and stress are palpable in your beautiful words. Thank you for sharing your experience.
I come from an extended and nuclear family that refuses to cry -- a very repressed family, where tears are seen as a sign of weakness. When I got cancer at a young age, my parents came to drive me to my doctor on the day of prognosis. Big mistake. The news wasn't devastating, but I found myself crying from relief and the fear of treatment to come, as well as the fear of the cancer itself. My mom said, "You are weak." I just kept crying. I couldn't stop.
Now, years later, I realize my mom was uncomfortable with my tears. I cry from time to time -- over people I've loved and lost, or frustrating situations. To expose one's vulnerabilities is a sign of strength.
Oh Beth, you are so incredible to share that level of vulnerability. I can tell that you are an emotionally mature person, because you have the insight about your mom and you have seen your tears and openness differently - as good.
Thank you for writing this...I lost my husband 3 months ago today and I cry every day.. but some people think I should be over it... but I'm not... not even close.
I can't talk to about it to anyone without tears briming and my voice cracking...my adult children, who are not my husbands , don't get it.. and think I am ridiculous.
Anyway, I needed someone who gets it...thank you...I will pray for you and you're daughter.
First, you will never "get over" your grief. Once you grieve, it stays with you. It just shifts in shape over time. Grief means you know how to love, and love is permanent. Your tears are a testament of your devotion to your husband.
I want you to know that I once wrote about and spoke about grief, and there is a tenderness that happens when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable in this way.
Keep your heart open to love and to everything you feel, always. ❤️
Hi Lois, I hear you. No you 'shouldn't be over it!!' Sending hugs. Life may grow around grief but it's part of us. No clichés—it doesn't 'heal with time'. Right now grief is all-consuming I'm sure. May I recommend reading Mary Roblyn's essays (she's commented here in Jeannie's comments) I also have a few in the Carer Mentor under 'bereavement and grief'. Pls feel free to connect/DM me. I haven't lost a husband. I lost my father after caring for him for 5 years. xo
Yes!! I hate those cliches, like "time heals all wounds." I was going to write an essay about that for December, when many people feel their grief more acutely around the holidays.
Lois, since I read this, I want you to know that I am holding you in my heart. Grief is so so hard. And I know it can hit from nowhere and linger for a long time. It's okay if you don't know why you're feeling this way. It's okay if you're having a hard time. May I suggest to give yourself time, rest, and quiet if you can? Be gentle with yourself. You're not alone.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband and the fact that your children don't understand your tears. We cry because we loved, it doesn't just disappear when the person is no longer with us. Keeping you in my thoughts.
Beautiful, Jeannie. Thank you for writing this. I’ve been a crier for most of my life, but also experienced dry spells during depressive episodes because I’d convinced myself that if I started crying I’d never stop. I held in my tears for a very long time. I’m not afraid of tears anymore. They are beautiful and cleansing. These days, I always feel better after a good cry. xoxo
Yes to all of this, Nan! I have a friend who was part of a women's group I used to belong to, and she always apologized when she cried - which was every time she spoke. I once told her, "You never have to apologize for your tears. It's so good that you feel safe enough to share that vulnerability with us, and we feel honored to witness it." She didn't apologize for it after that.
For me, though, crying embarrassed me, when done in front of others. I felt ashamed, I believe because of what happened to me as a child when my mom betrayed my trust by invading my privacy. I know now her intentions were good, but it made me stifle my hard emotions until I couldn't hold back. Now I feel immense respect of others who cry in front of me, and I always thank them for entrusting that display of emotion with me.
“I promise that if ever I witness your tears, I will cup my hands to catch them, to collect these sacred waters and preserve their legacy of what you’ve loved and what you’ve lost.”
Thank you, Jeannie, for bringing this tender and vulnerable story to us. I will also hold these words in my heart.
Your last line is, in my mind, is now a "famous quote", which I shall carry with me and share. It is the most beautiful poetic, existential expression of what one can do in empathy for another human being...to cup and hold their tears, preserving the legacy of all that has been loved and all that has been lost. This speaks to me, beyond. That is what tears are, an expression of all that has been loved and all that has been lost for us in our own unique lives as we travel this earth.
Thank you, Jeannie. I'm touched that you've chosen to share this with us all in response to our invitation. A big hug to you and Sarah! I feel the relief you've expressed by letting the tears flow. Thank you for being there to catch the tears. We need more of these open invitations for our tears to be shed more easily and received with empathy. xoxo
I agree with you about tears, Jeannie. So glad you can cry again. I relate to so much that you write about. I’m looking forward to reading more of what you write.
I’ve read many, many birth stories and believe storytelling is a salve for birth trauma. This one is so raw and forthright, bravely written. It’s a gift to other mothers, you can feel it in the tone.
Thank you for saying that, Michelle. That is my hope - to reach into the hearts of other moms and give them some language for what they may have gone through. ❤️
Jeannie, this is beautiful. And a lovely reminder that letting our tears flow can be healing and empowering. Thank you for sharing your experience with us 💕
Your essay beautifully captures the transformative power of tears. I love how you describe them as a 'conduit of extracting all the poisoned thoughts' and a 'salve' for the heart. It's a reminder that crying isn't just a release of emotion; it's a crucial part of the healing process.
As it sounds like you already know, tears are a way that our bodies release stress hormones so they don’t fester, so I am delighted that you now allow yourself to cry freely! I personally think that tears are beautiful and life-affirming! Thank you so much for this very moving post! It brought tears to my eyes reading it! Ahhh catharsis! 😊🥰💕🙏🌈
I have cried so many times in public since I am very emotional and I used to apologize but I don’t anymore. Tears are sacred and healing for our hearts! Thanks for sharing your story. I sometimes cry in yin yoga class as emotions are released during the yoga poses.
So beautiful and vulnerable. Thank you. I feel I have lost the ability to cry. I have lost several family members and friends in the last 4 years but the tears rarely come. I don't know why.
Tears are most definitely not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of our humanity. Allowing others to see or read about our vulnerabilities is a gift to not only them but also to ourselves. I feel connected to you somehow because you shared this so openly with us. And that matters. Thank you for this beautiful essay. I love it.
Beautiful and so true, cathartic and healing! We all need to cry more often to show that its okay to feel real emotions. You definitely have been through so much. Thank you for being vulnerable. It gives all of us permission to feel. And you are right, it feels so much better when we do.
Oh Jeannie… this made me cry as I felt your fear and that no control feeling…the Dr who soothed you… the moment you learned about Sarah. I’ve always been the opposite, crying at everything… happy tears/sad/mad tears. Too sensitive I was always told. But my mom, just as she took her last breath said to be… don’t ever apolgjze for being sensitive, for crying…it’s what makes you care so deeply, it’s who you are. I was 66 years old! Your writing is mesmerizing, full of emotion that touches me so much. I love the other pieces you’ve written about sweet Sarah! 😊Victoria is doing wonders with these essays, thank you for sharing yours. Big hugs and so much love to you, my friend! 🥰❤️🫶🤗
I am so glad it resonates, @Joan Stommen . Your comment means a great deal to me. It’s lovely that you were told that your sensitivity was a gift—doesn’t matter that you were older when you heard it. I believe it’s never too late for us to hear such healing messages.
"I promise that if ever I witness your tears, I will cup my hands to catch them, to collect these sacred waters and preserve their legacy of what you’ve loved and what you’ve lost." Wow. Only a good human being could write something like this quote. Your essay is beautifully written and achingly poignant. Your fear and stress are palpable in your beautiful words. Thank you for sharing your experience.
I come from an extended and nuclear family that refuses to cry -- a very repressed family, where tears are seen as a sign of weakness. When I got cancer at a young age, my parents came to drive me to my doctor on the day of prognosis. Big mistake. The news wasn't devastating, but I found myself crying from relief and the fear of treatment to come, as well as the fear of the cancer itself. My mom said, "You are weak." I just kept crying. I couldn't stop.
Now, years later, I realize my mom was uncomfortable with my tears. I cry from time to time -- over people I've loved and lost, or frustrating situations. To expose one's vulnerabilities is a sign of strength.
Thank you for sharing your story.
Oh Beth, you are so incredible to share that level of vulnerability. I can tell that you are an emotionally mature person, because you have the insight about your mom and you have seen your tears and openness differently - as good.
Keep being the light you are!
Thank you!
Thank you for writing this...I lost my husband 3 months ago today and I cry every day.. but some people think I should be over it... but I'm not... not even close.
I can't talk to about it to anyone without tears briming and my voice cracking...my adult children, who are not my husbands , don't get it.. and think I am ridiculous.
Anyway, I needed someone who gets it...thank you...I will pray for you and you're daughter.
Lois,
First, you will never "get over" your grief. Once you grieve, it stays with you. It just shifts in shape over time. Grief means you know how to love, and love is permanent. Your tears are a testament of your devotion to your husband.
I want you to know that I once wrote about and spoke about grief, and there is a tenderness that happens when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable in this way.
Keep your heart open to love and to everything you feel, always. ❤️
Hi Lois, I hear you. No you 'shouldn't be over it!!' Sending hugs. Life may grow around grief but it's part of us. No clichés—it doesn't 'heal with time'. Right now grief is all-consuming I'm sure. May I recommend reading Mary Roblyn's essays (she's commented here in Jeannie's comments) I also have a few in the Carer Mentor under 'bereavement and grief'. Pls feel free to connect/DM me. I haven't lost a husband. I lost my father after caring for him for 5 years. xo
Victoria,
Yes!! I hate those cliches, like "time heals all wounds." I was going to write an essay about that for December, when many people feel their grief more acutely around the holidays.
Hi Victoria,
Thank you for contacting me
I just saw this..I don't know why.
I am having a really hard time... especially the last few days 😔
I don't know why
This is so hard
Lois, since I read this, I want you to know that I am holding you in my heart. Grief is so so hard. And I know it can hit from nowhere and linger for a long time. It's okay if you don't know why you're feeling this way. It's okay if you're having a hard time. May I suggest to give yourself time, rest, and quiet if you can? Be gentle with yourself. You're not alone.
I'm trying,Jeannie but it's just so hard...
I'm sending you love and peace. You are in my heart Lois.
Thank you so much, Jeannie,❤️
I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband and the fact that your children don't understand your tears. We cry because we loved, it doesn't just disappear when the person is no longer with us. Keeping you in my thoughts.
Beautiful, Jeannie. Thank you for writing this. I’ve been a crier for most of my life, but also experienced dry spells during depressive episodes because I’d convinced myself that if I started crying I’d never stop. I held in my tears for a very long time. I’m not afraid of tears anymore. They are beautiful and cleansing. These days, I always feel better after a good cry. xoxo
Yes to all of this, Nan! I have a friend who was part of a women's group I used to belong to, and she always apologized when she cried - which was every time she spoke. I once told her, "You never have to apologize for your tears. It's so good that you feel safe enough to share that vulnerability with us, and we feel honored to witness it." She didn't apologize for it after that.
For me, though, crying embarrassed me, when done in front of others. I felt ashamed, I believe because of what happened to me as a child when my mom betrayed my trust by invading my privacy. I know now her intentions were good, but it made me stifle my hard emotions until I couldn't hold back. Now I feel immense respect of others who cry in front of me, and I always thank them for entrusting that display of emotion with me.
Yes, exactly. xoxo
“I promise that if ever I witness your tears, I will cup my hands to catch them, to collect these sacred waters and preserve their legacy of what you’ve loved and what you’ve lost.”
Thank you, Jeannie, for bringing this tender and vulnerable story to us. I will also hold these words in my heart.
I'm glad this line spoke to your heart, Mary.
Your last line is, in my mind, is now a "famous quote", which I shall carry with me and share. It is the most beautiful poetic, existential expression of what one can do in empathy for another human being...to cup and hold their tears, preserving the legacy of all that has been loved and all that has been lost. This speaks to me, beyond. That is what tears are, an expression of all that has been loved and all that has been lost for us in our own unique lives as we travel this earth.
Wow, Angela, your comment humbles me. I am in awe of the wisdom and insight you shared here and am grateful to have contributed to it.
Thank you, Jeannie. I'm touched that you've chosen to share this with us all in response to our invitation. A big hug to you and Sarah! I feel the relief you've expressed by letting the tears flow. Thank you for being there to catch the tears. We need more of these open invitations for our tears to be shed more easily and received with empathy. xoxo
Thank you so much for the writing prompt, Victoria, and for the collaborative manner in which you spearheaded others to share their tears.
I agree with you about tears, Jeannie. So glad you can cry again. I relate to so much that you write about. I’m looking forward to reading more of what you write.
I'm so glad we found each other, Gayle! Looking forward to more connections with you. ❤️
I’ve read many, many birth stories and believe storytelling is a salve for birth trauma. This one is so raw and forthright, bravely written. It’s a gift to other mothers, you can feel it in the tone.
Thank you for saying that, Michelle. That is my hope - to reach into the hearts of other moms and give them some language for what they may have gone through. ❤️
Jeannie, this is beautiful. And a lovely reminder that letting our tears flow can be healing and empowering. Thank you for sharing your experience with us 💕
Thanks so much for your comment, Sarah. I'm so grateful for those who read my work.
Your essay beautifully captures the transformative power of tears. I love how you describe them as a 'conduit of extracting all the poisoned thoughts' and a 'salve' for the heart. It's a reminder that crying isn't just a release of emotion; it's a crucial part of the healing process.
Thanks Alexander. I always appreciate seeing your comments. You are such a thoughtful reader.
As it sounds like you already know, tears are a way that our bodies release stress hormones so they don’t fester, so I am delighted that you now allow yourself to cry freely! I personally think that tears are beautiful and life-affirming! Thank you so much for this very moving post! It brought tears to my eyes reading it! Ahhh catharsis! 😊🥰💕🙏🌈
I agree, Rebecca! Thank you so much.
I have cried so many times in public since I am very emotional and I used to apologize but I don’t anymore. Tears are sacred and healing for our hearts! Thanks for sharing your story. I sometimes cry in yin yoga class as emotions are released during the yoga poses.
Thank you so much for sharing that, Amy!
So beautiful and vulnerable. Thank you. I feel I have lost the ability to cry. I have lost several family members and friends in the last 4 years but the tears rarely come. I don't know why.
I think it takes time, Doreen. When you feel safe to cry, it'll come. And when it does, just let it flow.
Thank you Jeannie.
Hi Jeannie,
Tears are most definitely not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of our humanity. Allowing others to see or read about our vulnerabilities is a gift to not only them but also to ourselves. I feel connected to you somehow because you shared this so openly with us. And that matters. Thank you for this beautiful essay. I love it.
Thank you, Nancy. The reason I write is to connect with others, so I'm grateful you felt that resonance with my essay.
Beautiful and so true, cathartic and healing! We all need to cry more often to show that its okay to feel real emotions. You definitely have been through so much. Thank you for being vulnerable. It gives all of us permission to feel. And you are right, it feels so much better when we do.
Thanks, Michele. I always cherish your insights.
Oh Jeannie… this made me cry as I felt your fear and that no control feeling…the Dr who soothed you… the moment you learned about Sarah. I’ve always been the opposite, crying at everything… happy tears/sad/mad tears. Too sensitive I was always told. But my mom, just as she took her last breath said to be… don’t ever apolgjze for being sensitive, for crying…it’s what makes you care so deeply, it’s who you are. I was 66 years old! Your writing is mesmerizing, full of emotion that touches me so much. I love the other pieces you’ve written about sweet Sarah! 😊Victoria is doing wonders with these essays, thank you for sharing yours. Big hugs and so much love to you, my friend! 🥰❤️🫶🤗
I am so glad it resonates, @Joan Stommen . Your comment means a great deal to me. It’s lovely that you were told that your sensitivity was a gift—doesn’t matter that you were older when you heard it. I believe it’s never too late for us to hear such healing messages.