I really like this post, Jeannie. It’s a very honest account of how hung up we can feel around other people’s opinions and how difficult it can be to let it go. I appreciate your inspiration to change the culture around communication online. Thank you.
Thoughtfully and well written. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I think part of the clutter issue is writers perhaps focused too much on building their own follower and subscriber base by recommending too many other writers - hoping for reciprocity. When I subscribe to a writer, I’m often faced with a dozen or more follower recommendations and a handful of subscribe recommendations. I try to go through each one but sometimes I don’t have time. The point is I end up following and subscribing to Substackers that I probably wouldn’t have otherwise. At some point I’ll have to declutter but then I wonder how that’ll impact the declutterred. Just a thought. (By the way, thanks for only making two subscribe recommendations. Makes me think you really thought them through and they mean something to you. I’ll have to whittle my own down.)
You make an important point, J. William, about the idea of decluttering. I gave a talk in April to a group of women about how to declutter our lives. One aspect I mentioned was digital clutter and its impact.
One thing I've learned is that if I haven't invested too much attention or time to a particular 'stack or writer, then I just don't subscribe. It's because of the very thing you mention - what will the impact be? Though another topic regarding that would be it's not up to each of us to ensure someone else doesn't get upset by an unsubscribe. It's up to us to be discerning and honest, yes, but the responsibility of how that other person feels is their own inner work.
We do ours and we treat others kindly and with respect. How they respond is up to them. That's my philosophy.
I loves this article Jeannie ❤️ Also loved the audio. Thank you for including that. Listened to it this morning with my cup of coffee. I think its so easy to react negatively to someone's rejection or bad comments but this just hurts us more. Instead of opening up and trying to understand someone else's side with compassion (of course within limits). This helped me a lot today!
Jeannie, It's a great reminder that as we put ourselves out there, there is inevitably going to be some scathing person that makes us boil and want to react. I recently read the "Book of Joy" which inspired me also to remember...we can only choose how we react. We can let that scathing person get to us or have empathy for the fact that there is a person out there that cannot forgive and cannot respond with kindness even after you showed accountability. We will never know what is going on with that person, and why they choose an angry way, but we can choose not to fuel it and we can choose accountability in trying apply a new learning to our communication should it not land with someone as intended. I tell myself that I have taken a risk in deciding to write and put my thoughts and knowledge out there as a career coach about navigating a meaningful career through my Coffee and Careers substack. I hope those that find it helpful will read it and pass it along. There will be others who will not find it helpful and relevant right now and that's ok too when they unsubscribe. And one day, I may hit someone the wrong way and I will be prepared and hope that I handle it as well as you have. Thank you for sharing your story.
Gosh this was soooo enlightening for me, Jeannie! I’d never heard of Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria and appreciate how you explained “happens when a person is unable to sufficiently process the intense emotional pain resultant from real or perceived rejection.” I also appreciate how you went on to say, “I would wager to bet that this applies to those who are highly sensitive, but not necessarily neurodivergent, as well.”
Through much of your writing, I am learning about myself as a highly sensitive person and have just begun learning why rejection (or perceived rejection) paralyzes me. I’ll admit sometimes my reactions are extreme - like telling myself I’m not cut out for this and should go back to my original career as a special education teacher. The more I learn about my highly sensitive self the more I am able to think rationally and speak compassionately to myself when people don’t sign up for my offerings or don’t buy my books. But it’s very hard for me - especially when the publishing industry pressures authors to base their success on numbers.
I feel empowered and less alone reading this powerful essay and can’t thank you enough for sharing all that you do.
Rachel! I totally get it. I do exactly the same thing - extreme reactions to perceived rejections that result in me questioning why I continue too write when people aren't buying my books or subscribing to my newsletter, etc. It's the main reason I wrote this essay. I thought, "I can't be the only writer or creative person who feels this way, given that many artists are highly sensitive."
Please know, friend, I am walking a parallel path to yours. I am with you. And I'm so grateful you and I get to share our hearts and our gifts in this time, space, and place in time. ❤️
You are definitely not the only one, and I’m so grateful you wrote this essay so I could exhale a little today! I know this took a lot of labor, time, introspection and vulnerability. I appreciate you!!!!
Thank you, this was so insightful and helpful to myself who is just beginning to "build a platform". It also made me think harder about "subscribing" to other Substacks, because now I have too many to keep up with and need to be more intentional about subscribing. I also love Dan Blank's advice and substack.
I really like this post, Jeannie. It’s a very honest account of how hung up we can feel around other people’s opinions and how difficult it can be to let it go. I appreciate your inspiration to change the culture around communication online. Thank you.
Thanks for taking the time to both read and comment. I'm grateful for your encouragement and presence.
Thoughtfully and well written. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I think part of the clutter issue is writers perhaps focused too much on building their own follower and subscriber base by recommending too many other writers - hoping for reciprocity. When I subscribe to a writer, I’m often faced with a dozen or more follower recommendations and a handful of subscribe recommendations. I try to go through each one but sometimes I don’t have time. The point is I end up following and subscribing to Substackers that I probably wouldn’t have otherwise. At some point I’ll have to declutter but then I wonder how that’ll impact the declutterred. Just a thought. (By the way, thanks for only making two subscribe recommendations. Makes me think you really thought them through and they mean something to you. I’ll have to whittle my own down.)
You make an important point, J. William, about the idea of decluttering. I gave a talk in April to a group of women about how to declutter our lives. One aspect I mentioned was digital clutter and its impact.
One thing I've learned is that if I haven't invested too much attention or time to a particular 'stack or writer, then I just don't subscribe. It's because of the very thing you mention - what will the impact be? Though another topic regarding that would be it's not up to each of us to ensure someone else doesn't get upset by an unsubscribe. It's up to us to be discerning and honest, yes, but the responsibility of how that other person feels is their own inner work.
We do ours and we treat others kindly and with respect. How they respond is up to them. That's my philosophy.
Thanks for the edifying conversation!
I loves this article Jeannie ❤️ Also loved the audio. Thank you for including that. Listened to it this morning with my cup of coffee. I think its so easy to react negatively to someone's rejection or bad comments but this just hurts us more. Instead of opening up and trying to understand someone else's side with compassion (of course within limits). This helped me a lot today!
I'm so happy to hear that!
I've disabled notifications when someone unsubscribes to my Substack. What I don't know can't hurt me 😉
Same here, Julie!
Jeannie, It's a great reminder that as we put ourselves out there, there is inevitably going to be some scathing person that makes us boil and want to react. I recently read the "Book of Joy" which inspired me also to remember...we can only choose how we react. We can let that scathing person get to us or have empathy for the fact that there is a person out there that cannot forgive and cannot respond with kindness even after you showed accountability. We will never know what is going on with that person, and why they choose an angry way, but we can choose not to fuel it and we can choose accountability in trying apply a new learning to our communication should it not land with someone as intended. I tell myself that I have taken a risk in deciding to write and put my thoughts and knowledge out there as a career coach about navigating a meaningful career through my Coffee and Careers substack. I hope those that find it helpful will read it and pass it along. There will be others who will not find it helpful and relevant right now and that's ok too when they unsubscribe. And one day, I may hit someone the wrong way and I will be prepared and hope that I handle it as well as you have. Thank you for sharing your story.
What a fantastic attitude and perspective to have about this, Angela! I really appreciate you being here and taking the time to comment on this.
Gosh this was soooo enlightening for me, Jeannie! I’d never heard of Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria and appreciate how you explained “happens when a person is unable to sufficiently process the intense emotional pain resultant from real or perceived rejection.” I also appreciate how you went on to say, “I would wager to bet that this applies to those who are highly sensitive, but not necessarily neurodivergent, as well.”
Through much of your writing, I am learning about myself as a highly sensitive person and have just begun learning why rejection (or perceived rejection) paralyzes me. I’ll admit sometimes my reactions are extreme - like telling myself I’m not cut out for this and should go back to my original career as a special education teacher. The more I learn about my highly sensitive self the more I am able to think rationally and speak compassionately to myself when people don’t sign up for my offerings or don’t buy my books. But it’s very hard for me - especially when the publishing industry pressures authors to base their success on numbers.
I feel empowered and less alone reading this powerful essay and can’t thank you enough for sharing all that you do.
Rachel! I totally get it. I do exactly the same thing - extreme reactions to perceived rejections that result in me questioning why I continue too write when people aren't buying my books or subscribing to my newsletter, etc. It's the main reason I wrote this essay. I thought, "I can't be the only writer or creative person who feels this way, given that many artists are highly sensitive."
Please know, friend, I am walking a parallel path to yours. I am with you. And I'm so grateful you and I get to share our hearts and our gifts in this time, space, and place in time. ❤️
You are definitely not the only one, and I’m so grateful you wrote this essay so I could exhale a little today! I know this took a lot of labor, time, introspection and vulnerability. I appreciate you!!!!
Likewise, Rachel! ❤️
Thank you, this was so insightful and helpful to myself who is just beginning to "build a platform". It also made me think harder about "subscribing" to other Substacks, because now I have too many to keep up with and need to be more intentional about subscribing. I also love Dan Blank's advice and substack.
I'm so glad it was helpful to you, Doreen!
Thanks for the kind mention and digging into all of this so deeply!
I always appreciate your in insight, Dan. You often get me thinking about topics more deeply.